Thoughtful and thankful…

I sit here two days short of five months, and am still in momentary shock that I am in sitting in the middle of South Korea. I guess I have these moments sometimes because I have become fully aware of what is going on in my life. It’s not that I don’t know, but it’s really easy to forget things that are going on when you are so busy and caught up in what you are doing.

I was thinking about my friends at home, and the people I love there. The people I miss greatly, and why I could leave them. I think it’s because I love them, and I know that even though I am gone they have continued on. We all continue on.

I was then thinking about the people that God has put in my life here in Korea. I am truly blessed. I have a great church body that I am involved with, great people to work with (almost all from Wisconsin, hahaha). I am writing again, and I am going to church again. I am working out again. I really taking a look at my life, and trying to actively make changes in it.  That’s really good I think. So many time I thought I was trying to make changes, and when I looked back, nothing had really changed. Nothing had moved.

If my life is to change, I need to take a look at who I am, and where I am. I need to find where I am going, if that is where I want to be, and adjust accordingly.  Life throws curve balls sometimes, but when can take them, I, can take them.

Into the first inning of the day!  have a good game

Here I am…

I lay myself at Your feet
Asking You won’t You meet
Won’t You meet me
I cannot do it on my own
I cannot do it all alone
Here I am, oh, tonight
With my arms open wide
Won’t You come inside
Won’t You come inside, God
Come and fill this heart of mine
I’m in need of You
Of Your touch, of Your life, of Your love
I need You
I need You

By: Shawn Mcdonald

“Searching for God Knows What”

I am not really sure why I logged on this morning. Perhaps out of shear bordom, but perhaps hoping I might have something to say. I guess maybe I could take a minute to look back at the week and reflect.

I caught a cold from someone this week. I knew it was coming, just a matter of time really.  You spend every morning with 6-7 year olds, you are going to get sick. Besides the fact that all of my co-teachers have been passing a cold around as well. All in due time I kept saying…

I have been reading a book by Donald Miller called, “Searching for God Knows What“. This is a fantastic book that I think everyone should pick up and read. I guess it’s funny reading a book for the third time, and really just beginning to feel like you are finally understanding the meat of the book. I thought I understood the title before, but I am really just beginning to understand it I think.

We must talk about what we chase after in life, the false idols we let run our souls. We have so many aim’s with no real reward for those things. So many temptations that we let ourselves fall for, and they may feel so good. It’s hard to push those things away.  I really understand now why he talks about those things in reference to finding your way. In all those things we are looking for something, we are looking to fill something, some need. We have this hole, intrisically we have this hole gaping wide for us to fill. We have the choice to fill this hole too, which makes it even worse. To find out that you have been shoving blocks into circles, and triangles into squares. And sometimes those circles kind of fit into the oval shapes, and you think that you have a match…only to find out that you were shoving so hard you went all the way through, and don’t know how to get back. All because you were looking for something to fit that hole.  Something to fill you up.

“Searching for God Knows What“ is a real look at what we fill those holes with, and what we might actually be looking for. The false idolize we raise so high. The false pride we let tear us down. “Searching for God Knows What” is a book you should read, not because it will change your life, but because Donald Miller connects with you on a personal level for a personal journey to a personal relationship that you might not have already.

He is the way the truth the light, and the victory!

Be stilled in that truth.

I almost forgot…

I almost forgot why I loved theatre so much. I guess it’s great to remember why you love something so much. If you watch one, you’ll watch the rest…

Posers…

Surely we can change…something.

Lines to a song hitting hearts everywhere.

I have been trying to figure out what being a part of “Praise and Worship” really means to me. I have for so long gone without that feeling. I used to fear that I was just a poser. And what a dorky poser to be. Being a poser for God is like being the dorky kid at school who wears a pocket protector, but isn’t actually smart…

I don’t like to think that I’m a poser. And essentially, I am. Any time I say that I am for God, but an not with God, I am a poser. Even if deep down inside, I know the truth, I am a poser.

Back on point. I have so long gone without that streak of fire, that flame of light, and that greatest of great desires, that I had forgotten what love was. I had forgotten what true love felt like. I had become so numb to everything, that I just forgot. I think that is such a sad thing to come to terms with. I guess the greatest part is realizing it. I can change, I still have time. I can love, and I can live right. I can be a dork for God, and not just a poser. God doesn’t want posers. He doesn’t want false people running around telling of his word.

God is patient, God is kind, and God is waiting. When we are ready, he is there, and that is the hardest part of grace. Understanding the waiting is only the smallest part. If we listen, he has so much more for us up there. Our treasures are stored in heaven, not on earth. he is patient, he is kind, and is there.

I sing because it speaks to me. If nothing else in my life seems right. That’s what I can do. I don’t need anyone else to do it. The funny thing is. I know there have been times when it has been taken away from me. Times when I have been sat on the bench, the vocal bench I guess you could say, to mix sports analogies and music. it was surely a long hard time in my life. And we are not talking real long periods of time, but to me, going a week without being able to sing seems like an eternity sometimes.

I often think that I sing for the wrong reasons, and I don’t want to be a wrong geeky poser for God. I want to praise His name with every beat my heart has to give. I want to say not much, and be the voice that resounds. I want to speak, but not in my words. I want to share, a thing that I could not bare. And if you don’t really understand, then I now, this is where I begin.

Praise be, and thanks to God! Amen…

Shaken the poser off…